Current

I will be a conversional  English assistant, for the mmm, I forgot the name of the school. This will be interesting since this is out of my own contort zone since I am afraid of talking in front of people. I have taught science and spanish,,one on one only, but not an entire class. Now, I am terrified, I am just afraid of boring my class. I never thought I would be teaching in Brazil. I will try to use my acting skills. I will say, Zoila you are, Jennifer now, she is a teacher so act like a teacher. I will be fine I think.  It’s interesting to be in this position because I have to plan and organize a class structure for 2 hours. Can I do it? This will be so fun. I am such a good girl, that I will be helping a professor as a conversional partner in English but the informal way not academic. I think this one is harder. How do I teach  to a professor who knows the grammar, the informal way. Will see how this works. I am in the position of what I just got myself into. I am doing this for fun, I will get help with Portuguese. This is a good trade. This is only for one day a week. I can do this. Woot Woot zoila.

I must say, I will enjoy each minute of my life.

CLass

One of my favorite class, POLS VII. In this class, I have to talk and give presentation everyweek. I just love it because I speak English, Spanish and Portuguese. When is my turn to talk, I feel embarrass but after 1 minute I feel comfortable and talk and talk.  I think I talk more in this class than I usually talk in my regular class in Beloit. I was told I have the occidental view, the western view. I think that’s an interesting point. After presenting, one student approached me saying, where are you from? Since, you at first were speaking in Portunol so I thought you were latina and then you spoke English, and now I am wondering where are you from?

I said, “ I am   originally  from Ecuador but I study in the U.S.” She said, why were you speaking in English to the professor. And I told her, “I do not know some terms in Spanish, only in English.” After I said that, she seemed confuse.

But this in general is a great experience, because I am using the three languages.  When, I talk in English with some people, I feel so different. I think I am not speaking.

                One thing, I do not like is, that in my literature class, the professor points to me as the Ecuadorian girl. I was asked about the independence about Ecuador and I was embarrassed for not knowing it.   Now, when I asked her if there is a structure she wants me to write the composition for her and she told me, “ your from the U.S. school, your will be great.” 

thinking

When I was hang out with a Brazilian friend , she told me to not say that something is better than the other. She said, “each thing is valuable for each person.” I was  thinking mmmmm did I say something I was not supposed to. I will be careful next time.  I am learning, what may or may not offend others.

THe other day, I wanted to buy a red bull and the sellers did not understood me. SO I was sayin, Red bull gives you winds, it gives you energy. Its a bull. That was in portuguese. I don't remmeber how I said it but they understood me then.

SORRY

I am sorry,if I get you lost, my dear reader.  My mind is full of things to express. So welcome to my world I think to much, and love love to write what I think. One more thing, my mind changes everytime.

each day

Each day, has new lesson. I was approach by a perso at the liberty and gave me brochure about god’s word to read. After that, some students gave me a schedule to meet with them to talk about god’s word. I am wondering, I should try it out. There is something in me that tells me no. Not to be rude or something like that but, when I was little, I remember my mother and still does not like to  be involve with the people who go on the streets talking about the word of god. I do not have anything against them. I always stay away from what we call them is evangelic. I used to not like to talk about religion and not asked people about their religion. One day,in high school, my friends were talking about their religion, then I found out one of them was evangelic. I felt shock, and confuse, since I though, that the evangelic were different from catholic and must stay away from each other.  She was and still is a good friend of mines.   I realized that one has to interact with each other and not judge beforehand. Since  I saw as a kid, that there was a distance between the two religions I stayed away as well.  Now I would say, I have a religion but do not practice. Can there be such thing? I think each day, in the countries that are developing, young people just have the label of what religion they follow but do they may not practice. Here in Juiz de Fora, Brazil, the majority that I talk just call themselves catholic but not do not practice it. When, I am near people who are religious, I feel afraid of saying something that may offend them.

project adventure.

I am talking with professor, and going to visit some schools. I am researching. I am waiting for this research to be excelent.
This is the begining. for those who do not know what my project is heres  some part of it.

The main goal of my project is to do an ethnography of economic development in Brazil. One of the perennial goals of Brazil since independence has been the quest for economic development and equality. The administrations of Presidents Fernando Henrique Cardoso (1995-2002) and Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva (2003-2010) have invested more than any other previous president in social programs. Poverty alleviation, health care and education have been top priorities for both presidents, and presumably will be for the administration of the incoming president Dilma Roussef. To address chronic poverty, the government created a couple of programs called "Bolsa Família"(Family Packet) and "Fome Zero" (Zero Hunger). Both programs consist on small cash transfers to low income families who keep their children at school and take them to the doctor on a regular basis for health checks. In addition, the government has increased the number of scholarships exponentially and has doubled the number of students attending university only in the 2000s. The rationale behind these policies is that a healthy and well educated labor force will be more productive and will contribute to economic development.

botanica garthen

I went to the botanica garden was a good experience. I had to experiecne that fruit I forgot was it called. It was delicous. I met other students. From this, I got to hear only english, and it was a weird transition since my mind was now in portuguese. It was weird what I was hearing. I was not sure what I was talking.

I heard great expericence of all the students including, my group.
After that day, I showed my appartment to the ACM staff. I got the chance to eat lunch with must of the exchange students. It was free, jaaa, you know beloits students love that word, free food.

Each day, I am learning more and more.
I meet diferent people.

my birthday

I really do not think celebrating birthdays is a big thing, I do not see the importance of it, since each year is the same for me. Now it change,I arrived at the CRi office, they wish me a happy birthday. He told the people on the Econ faculty as well. I was wow sort off embarrass,
I saw another student, her name is Mari, and she ask me to be in the office at one. I went with them to choose my cake. Students from the biology department wished me a happy birthday,in portuguese. At first I did not what they said, until they told me. Jaaa. I was there, and they were sigingin in portuguese happy birthday. One thing,that was funny was, that mari said, since is a world de capitalismo, they should pay her, 2reais, in order to eat the cake or buy her a beer. That day was great. I had a good time.

Also, again, I celebrated my birthday at the house of fernanda. Her birhtday was the same day as mine. We both got together took pictures. I meet other students,from the engineering. Celebrating my birthdday was great.

class

I am just seeing how I interact with others. I do not know what is it but when I just do not click with someone I do not click with that person but I will show respect.
I am talking to a group I do not know, I can talk, but in respect to my friend, I would not disrespect her friends. I been expose to different groups, and I do not understand how is it that there a millions of different personalities. I do not think one group has to be with one group because they click and are well know.
I think even the different people learn from each other. I am a person that reads, just by the look and by the 5 minutes of judgment how we called it in the voyager class. For me the look says everything, I do not und
I met someone from cabo verde which is somewhere in Africa. He said his country was colonize from the Portuguese , so he knows the Portuguese form Portugal. I am always at the economics place fixing things I need to work on. That’s how I met him. He also knows a lady from Ecuador who is studying here. I got the chance to talk to her, she wants to meet me. I was happy to know, I will met one person from my own country.
After, this I went to RU, which is the restaurant universitario. Here there is a big line for those who want to eat and for those who are buying tickets to eat.

He likes it here, the difference he sees here is that way of dressing, here the ladies dress less cloth. In his country, is not like that. One thing he told me is that here I would be always eating, rice with beans. (funny, the only thing I need is my hot sauce and tortilla)
Yesterday, I had time to go to my communication class. I did not know how my vocal cords works until now. She mention, a person has to learn how to articulate and to talk. Even people who are deaf do not know how their voice sound but try to talk. I was thinking they enforcing themselves so I that I have the privilege to have all my sense I need to work harder like them.
From that class, I met some people who are really nice. One of the ladies, where making fun of another girl who talks different. Here in Brazil there are people who have different accents. I was telling them that the way she talks is sort of easy for me since she pronounces the r in Spanish.
I forgt her name and asked me, if its hard for a latina to be in the U.S. I was telling her that all depends where you at. There are people, and even people who are latinos who treat others unequally. She was saying she is scare of going there to work. I was telling her, don’t be afraid, the only thing you have be afraid is of your won success.
She was telling me, how they have to take a course to enter in the university. She said how the government do not care about the students. They make the exam in a way that is harder for them to get in. Even the student who take that course may not pass. For them the exams has 100 empty sits and there is 300 students who took that course. I told her that’s the same way in Ecuador, since my cousin went to take the exam and did not pass only for 3 points. She was telling me she will invite me to her barbequo party for her birthday.

moi

I got up early to go into my history class. When I found it I saw only one student. I was thinking that I was in the wrong class. I started talking to the lady and she was mentioning she has another friend who went to Spain and speak a very decent Spanish. I get really happy when I find people who speak my modern language. In this class the professor introduce herself since she is knew to the University and it will be her first time teaching. She mention to us, students, ways to be greater and how we can learn more. There was this big discussion between the students. I rather would of like the professor to choice how she wants to great us. In the class, I was asked to work with the lady that speak Spanish and enlgish since it will be better for me, I agree. After, I went with them to walk around, and asked them about what they think of their own country and the president.
They mention, Lula did not help the poor instead was creating more. As their point of view, he was giving help to those who have more kids. The people would do that. They mention, in Brazil is hard to have things of your own, like a car since a car is like having a family. They mention, in Brazil for just small things you have to do a lot of paper work. Its bureaucracy they mention, Brazil is full of that and is getting rich by that. They do not think that new president is doing what she promises. They see her as the reincarnation of Lula, she is just the face as she says but that once who do all is those behind her. I thought of this as a good point. They just did not like LuLa, at all. But at side from that, they mention how in the south side of Brazil, there is a lot of Argentineans since the water, is so clear that you can see your own body even well the water level is close to your neck.
Actually this students are in their last period, they invited to taste some ====. I was well treated; I think I ate too much at this girl’s house. She kept offering food and I did not want to say no. The other person went to her Italian class, and return. The other girl was talking about her mom, how she work as a policy and works on defending her country, and her dad is a doctor. Later, I went with them to meet their friends who already graduated. I was talking to them and I was asking them, what some sign means and some words that I hear but do not know. I was told to not do those sign or say those words. Good to know or else, I maybe I could off got into trouble.
There are just different ways of communicating like signs, gestures and slang words. I am expose to a new life a new way to work things and new way of thinking. I interested way of viewing things. I was not expecting this. I thought I would do what I always do, think of what I came for. Learn the language, gain more confidence, work harder and chao chao. I did not expect of just learning how just thinks are different outside the academic side.

class

I went to my literature class, hispanoAmerican II. I met the professor and talk to her in Spanish. Her name is Prof. Silvana and there was an Italian professor call Silvina. This remind me how, I used to write the name of the wrong professor in my composition since both had the similar name. I do not think I will make the same mistake here. I hope not. While I waited for class to start, a student started talking to me and wanted to know if I know English. Then she started talking in English and was happy she found a person she could practice her English with. Her friend started talking to me in Spanish, and wanted to practice his Spanish with me. I felt somewhat lost because one will talk in English and the other in portunol (Portuguese with Spanish) and French. I was speaking frenspangpor ( French, Spanish, English, and Portuguese). I had class finally, so I felt somewhat liberated. After class, I went to drink coffee with two students from my lit class. Here, one talk more English than Spanish, than the other who spoke more Spanish than English. There were mentioning how is difficult to understand Spanish from some professor, since one is the Spanish from Argentina and then the other professor is from Spain and the other from Nicaragua. I was talking to them in Portuguese and then all the sudden I will talk to them in Spanish. Then we did a trade, they will teach me Portuguese and I will learn from them Portuguese. After this I went to my politics class. Again, I was not told that there was a change in the schedule. As a result, I went into the wrong class which was Antropology V, I met this girl who wanted to me show me around. I get emails from people but I do not know remember there name.
I really do not like when I cannot speak a good Portuguese. I will learn, I have to but I will.

class

I went to find a professor and went to the information place. I kind a got a first priority to go see a person to help me. Actually there was a big line and all of those students were just not happy with what I did but I got network who got me on the first line to get help. When I met with the professor, he told me that yesterday, they went to a different room since that room was taken. I told him I went into the wrong class which was econometrics III, and he said, o you must of feel terrified. I was mmm kind off. It’s what some people do most of the time in the students days. When I met with him I asked me more and more and the homework I have. He kind of love to hear that I was curious. He told me to relax.
After this, I went to the economics liberty and got help from someone there. She was telling me how I can get books from the library and work even better. She was talking a lot and I was sort off thankful to get her help. My class was cancel again since the professor is in a conference. I went to a class of Brazilian folklorico. I sort of did not like how the professor was just talking about races and how he generalize that all Brazilians do not know their culture. I do not like topics when someone makes another race less than the other. I was not interested; he continue talking about race but he himself did not think he mention a lot of assumptions. I am not a big fan of history I try but I do not like some histories. I think the past is the past and may reflect on the present. When I got out, I met a professor from the Argentina. He said, why are you shy of talking in Spanish. I really cannot control when I can speak Spanish or Portuguese. When I start talking in Spanish I then ended up talking in Portuguese. Now I even more confuse what I speak.

first time in class

ext day, I talked to the same lady at the liberty and I used my portunol ( Spanish and Portuguese). She thought I said I word in Portuguese she did not know but then I said that it was in Spanish. She was laughing. People here love Spanish and love it when I talk to them in Spanish but I get confused. Some students tell me they prefer to take Spanish or French than English. I found it interesting because I thought English will be popular language. Then I went to my first class which was literature. Sadly my class was cancel but I met with some students that are taking my course and asked me question and were really helpful. They asked me they love the literature and that literature in Portuguese is so wonderful. To bad I can take it since I have to be more fluent in Portuguese. After that, I went to a different class, the Portuguese class. I met a student from Iran and he is working on his PHD and he was learning Portuguese and knows English. He was talking to me in English and I try to tell him where I am from but I just could not speak in English. It was like I had a switch in my head and it was time for only Portuguese. I had admit I took longer to answer him in English. When this class ended, I went to find my economics class. I was trying to find it but I could not find it. I asked for help and someone took me to a different class which was of law. Then I asked someone else and took me to the right room but my class had change the room at the last our. I was not told that so I went in to the class since I was late. I was listening and the professor just look like my advisor, Dr. Pablo Toral. I was listening to him and he started writing formulas in the board and he was talking about Econometrics III. This course was for people who are in their doctorate. I was kind a lost what he was talking about. I remember him saying that All the student will be using what they have learned from all their classes. I thought if I leave the class, It would be rude so I stayed and the professor asked me a question, and point at me since I was in the front. I just agree with what he has just said and did not answer his question since I forgot to speak in Portuguese. Then I was trying to understand him but it was hard since he was speaking terms I did not know not even in Spanish. I really felt really lost and confuse that all I wanted to do is to get out of there. I started thinking that that’s how all my classes will be and I started to panic. Then when class was over, I asked him if I was in the right class because I did not thought I was in the right class. He answer that I was in the wrong class and send me to another room. I went to the room and the professor said, she teaches administration. I was I think I do not know where this class is. The professor took me to the information room and asked them to help me. A lady told me that she does not think I can take the course, and I was sort of not wanting to hear that. I was so confuse and did not want to go back to the class again. This is the class where I felt lost completely since all the material was advance, I only new one formula which made me somewhat happy. While I was in the class I felt embarrass of talking in Portuguese.

reflecting time

After that, I watch movies about the favelas in India, Mexico and Egypt. It was interesting to see the patterns how the rich of course had the power. The poor had no words but to be insult from the capitalist. I just see that in each event, each question asked, has a memory of the past or makes a person wonder.
In the park I wrote..
Each sound
Each glare
Each move
Each sign
Have a message for us to figure out. We must be careful on how to read the message and not commit the mistake of misunderstanding it.

last day carnaval

Tuesday our last day to enjoy carnival. I got up early and went to the beach with Nubia and Sarah. I walked again in the smooth and pretty sand of Rio. I never took my sight out of the place called favelas. Then, I touch the salty water and trace with my feet on the sand. After that, we enjoy the ice-cream. After that, I met another friend of my roommate named, Camila. She arrived with a dog and was telling how the dog knows a lot to guide here where she needs to go. She was mentioning how well train her dog is. We gather with the crew and went to the Ipanema bloco. There it was a decent amount of people. This last time all of us were tired that we could not dance a lot. I got to see the beach again and enjoy for the last time. We all went to eat , I treated my stomach like never before. I went to explore the city with Sarah. It was not a lot dangerous. Later I went back and contemplate the ( cristo redentor ). I enjoy my time being in Rio, one thing I love more was the beach

the Beatles.... March ...7

I went to see a band that played songs from the Beatles. I never thought that here in Brazil there are big fans of the Beatles. I myself did not even know who they were until now. I am not that interested to the U.S. celebrities, I am more into my own Latina roots.  Now here in Brazil, I want to know its celebrities and more about Brazil each day.  I was amazed how crowded it was, I could not even walk. I almost got lost from my crowd thankfully I follow them. I have never been in such a crowded place. I got to hear the Beatles songs than. We all went to another place that night. This time we separate each other in groups but could not find each other later. I was in a different group which I met another lady. She taught I live in Ecuador still and asked me if I miss it there. I was yeah, since I still have family there and since I grew up there. That place where we arrives was kind a scary since there was a lot of people and if I gotten lost It would been hard to find the people. In this place I enjoy it a little but I enjoyed it. Although I almost got run over by two cars that appeared in the middle of the crowd.  I did not notice the cars where there and my friend push me towards a person who was selling things. Then after that, I wanted to get the hell out of there.  Later, I person stop me and asked me if I was from Japan and my friend , she is  Ecuatoriana.  This night was kind a crazy since taxis took a while to stop. 

DEEP in your heart moments come. March ---

I just sum up this day in a poem, read below.

Words, customs, sounds, colors, gestures are forms of communicating or of discovering what you do not see. Clues may be surrounding you to figure out the pattern of culture.

This day, I went to the beach. One of the girls said, that it’s dangerous to walk even alone in the day even worse to walk alone in the night.

I went with a crew to the beach. Once we got there, I saw small stores , the sand , the sound of the ocean and its waves and the light of the mountains where the Favelas are. All seem so similar like the movie I watch about the Favelas. I was wow, I just did not expect to be in the similar place where the movie took place in Ipanema. I just did not have words again just small things make me see how lucky and thank full I am to be in Brazil. 

I touch the sand and the saw touch the waves, each time they hit harder. One of the girls run saying it’s a tsunami. I was laughing but you never know in this world the unexpected could happen. I liked watching the beach and the lights from the Favelas.

Once of the girls said  to not even think of going there since that place is dangerous and its were all the    traficant’s are and all the bad stuff. That comment made me wonder why would people just do not even try to make that community for the better instead of talking bad about. If worlds would contribute to a community to get out of poverty I think there would not be any Favelas in the world.  I myself comment bad about the cost side of Ecuador, telling some people   that is dangerous  which is, but the production of the coast side of Ecuador feeds most of the  population and other people from other countries.

Now I am analyzing, why does poor places have to carry with all the blame of being criminals. The blame is from the government and from some rich people that do not even care about the poor but only about there millions. Poverty would not even exist if people open their eyes and work together as a community to fix problems of a community. I may like the Ideas of Karl Marks equality but equality in these days is hard to find. 

I myself ask?

How can people find equality? if there is  the feeling of egoism and the want of more power. Equality would exist yes but in different terms for people. Now, I am realizing how bad is of  me to just judge  a place full violence without even looking deep in it who is to blame.

                The poor are poor because it’s convenient for the rich to explode them and to earn more money. People may think the days of slavery is over but they do not see the blind slavery. The slavery most of us do not see. The products we eat, the cloths we were, the toys  kids play. Some do not see who made them. Some people just do not even appreciate the food they just ate. I myself  did not value love my mom gave me when I was a child. I did not even value the food that was in the table. I will drink milk by force.  I did not live a life of glory neither a life of misery thankfully to my parents.  My mom came from the slums of poverty and work hard to support my siblings and I. In order to get out of poverty a person has to become a slave and do what the rich person ask as if the person was a toy. My  mother had to leave her education to take care of her siblings since her mother die when my mom was 12 years old. She had to go through a lot and I admire that. I admire that she work harder to get out of domestic violence and more. She sometimes may call herself ignorant for not being able to understand what I am studying and from not speaking English. She has suffered a lot that does not show any sign of pain and show instead sign of strength.  Not all the people from the slums (favelas) are criminals instead some or the majority are hard workers. Some I think may be criminals is because there is government does not give them any incentive to improve their life’s.

 While I was walking on the sand, I though, how Brazilians value family. I say, I have forgotten what is it to feel to have a family, family morals, or what is the family love since my family is apart from each other. I want to be able to feel the family support from all my own blood family but that’s not the case. 

I remember as a kid I had that family love of my two mothers, my sister, and my brother. My adopted mother died of cancer and I just stopped believing in the love of a family. She was a woman who just was full of love and charisma.  All she had was good advices and love to give. I have never in my entire life have felt so much pain when someone pass away. For the first time in my life I had lost someone special. Since then I promise myself that I cannot attach myself to people so when the time to say goodbye would not be painful.

In just a couple of minutes I thought of this. I must be an arrogant or have to much pride to tell my family how lucky I am to have them with all their defects.

Overall, some people cannot just blame poor for having violence but need to blame themselves for not doing anything about it. Blame the government since it’s feeding itself to gain more power and nobody knows it’s dirty game. As I say I identify myself with the poor and with the middle class, my parents born poor and work hard and hard to be where they at now. I am proud to be their daughter although I may be far apart from them. 

It’s unbelievable how a small walk at the beach can make a person think and think a lot. After the walk at the beach, I accompanied a friend to her house. We saw that a door was open and thought someone might have been inside. We all were scare and did not want to get in. But someone in charge of the house open the door and said that it’s because someone opened the door to  enter. We were so relief.  What a night of surprises.

CArnival

we all wore our turtle shirts and went to a bloco (street block) . This time this bloco was so crowded, and we all went to the back side but there was lots of people. Some friends and I decided to get in the middle the crowd, which we did and it kind a felt less crowded.  It was worth to be in the middle since I could heard the music more clearly. After the bloco ended, I felt so tired, I could not even believe how the Brazilian crew did not get tired so they went to another bloco. I stayed at the apartment with Sarah. Later, I talked to Pilar and she told me she went to Argentina for two weeks and said she learn a little bit of Spanish but she was just not treated well by her roommate at first so she just felt embarrass  on trying to speak spanish. She asked me how was it to arrive in the U.S.?  Every time I get that question, I just answer, you just have to adapt to whatever is in your way no matter if you leave your own culture aside.

She was telling me there is rivalry between Brazilians and Argentineans’ because of soccer. She mentioned to me a joke and said: “Why you think Argentineans in soccer   kill themselves so easy?  is  because they build a to high self-confidence so they fall and die. This is when a person in soccer thinks they will win without a doubt and when they do not they really drop their pride.

Then everyone arrived to the apartment, and started talking and told stories and jokes. I see the different interaction I have with them because from my friends back home, we just find things to make our gathering fun and we not always talk all the time.  We find just some ways to make our gathering less than just talking.  Each day I listen and try to make conversation with them and each day I learn more. As Sarah says we are just like little kids learning a new language.  I will repeat some words they said and asked them what it means. There was a time where I was not allow to repeat a word which meant something else but I forgot what was it.  I tried to stay up like them but I was tired. I do not know how all of them have a lot of energy to continue talking and doing more activities.

I am so into painting jaa,

Bloco Carnival March 5

 people in Rio seem really happy that carnival has arrived. As each one from the 12 woke up, I thought, I am in BRAZIL, I am in Brazil, this is not a dream. I am here in Rio de Janeiro. I was contemplating the view of the “ Cristo Redentor” the statue of god.  It seem so far away but not impossible to get there.  Today was, my day to see how carnival is celebrate. I helped made the turtle image in 12 t-shirts. This image is a symbol from the biology department, what a coincidence, my college has the turtle symbol. After doing all that I went to the Block of Copacabana. I saw a lot of people wearing amazing customs. Customs such as a ballerinas, kiko, chavo, and many others .  I saw the ocean near that block. I saw imagines made of sand, it was incredible, how sand was use to create figures I never thought it could be built. Some of those imagines were one  cross  in a mountain and people climbing to get there.  Also, I saw people from different parts of the world: Poland, Germany, United Kingdom, Spain, Argentina, Italy and more. I knew that since Sarah Americana was talking to all of them with her broken English jaaa. I thought she was courageous enough to talk to a lot of people and not felt embarrass.  Apart from all that,  I saw the car with the singers and the dancers of samba in front.  I wish I knew more what they were singing but  I love the rhythm of Samba. I started dancing samba , it was exhausting I think I should dance samba as part of my daily exercise. In the bloco (block)   some people wanted to take pictures of my group and I. After this the buses were really full so no choice of taking  a taxi.  After this, must of us gather to talk about our trip and  Bernardo sang and played the guitar.  I loved a song he sang with Nubia.  This song is called Carta do Amigo.

RIO DE JANEIRO TIME

Finally  the day to go Rio de Janeiro arrived, March 4. I am excited happy to see how people celebrate carnival. My roommate, her friends, Sarah and I went to bus stop and went on our journey to RIO DE JANIERO.  I sat with an estranger on the bus,  her name is  Rejina a lady who studies Tourism. She told me she is learning Spanish because she loves the language.   Also, she started talking to me in Spanish a little.  From the window she was showing me some places where she had gone.  She was telling me that she loves Rio and does not think that the Favelas are dangerous at all since she went in to take some samaba lessons. She is the first person I met who   thinks that way. I was interested in hearing her opinion about the Favelas in Rio. She said that police surrounds the Favelas when carnival arrives so there is any danger.  While she was talking to me I was thinking of a  video  I saw about  the Favelas and I got scare of going there and  I wonder if she is right.  Favelas is where poor people live and  as poor  they are being label as bad that’s what I think.  I know in history is shows how the government has  helped some poor people get out of poverty and turn into middle class .  Rejina mentioned to me that I am speaking good Portuguese and I was glad to hear that. I asked her to start talking in Spanish but she said she is embarrassed to even try.  I started think I am courageous enough because I don’t feel embarrass to even make mistake when I talk in Portuguese.

  As I arrived in Rio,  we  gather to wait for the others to arrive on the bus station.  I met other students who were there as well.  I was so tired that I thought some people where talking to me in Spanish.  Sadly that was not the case. As  all gather we went to Bernardo’s apartment to stay. Once we  got there we talk about sharing the expenses on the food.  I and other friends went   to buy the food. It was a decent amount but we all manage to carry it. On the grocery store, I helped  someone pick the fruits but my roommate did not like what we had and  the other girl who was with me made fun of me saying that  it was me who picked all the fruits.  After that I helped take the food to the apartment.  Then, we all gather and talk and talk for while. Then Sarah from brazil told me, I know why you are call zoila because you mom was listening to , DO, Re, MI , zoila, me. I was mmmm, my mom’s name is zoila too, and I started laughing. Then she said,  you are  zoila America from the song  estoy loco por ti America. I thought she was making it up but actually its true.  At the end of this day, Bernardo was playing the guitar and singing and I was happy to listen. It was interesting to see how people interact.

March 2. Adventure.

Today was adventure day, Professor Ulises took Sarah and I  to see the university,  the museum, a big park, an arab restaurant and the place where he works.  What I remember from the museum was the art has different ways to be seen. While I was watching  a book who was translated, Pr. Ulises said, “ a translator is a traitor.”  Meaning translating is a hard work because the person has to experience and know the other culture of the other country to better translate. I agree with that.  In the park, I saw big spiders and ants, I was surprised how big they were. I loved that park that I will come back later. We went to a restaurant. Here Pr. Ulises talked how we are getting better at the language. I was happy to eat a  kibe Assadou but next time I will order kafta since my ex roommate Jennifer loves that.  Later, I got to see the place he works.  He then started reading a phrase from Nietzsche  in Portuguese and said, “ Muitos homes fracasan trocan pensadores porque tem boas mentes” and he mention is like what buda says, “ Aprenda toda as coisas mas confia as cosas dentro de voce.”  Also he said that nice phrase can be seen as the Chinese story, “ si voce quer mais te en sua copa, voce tem que terminar.”  Actually, I got confuse on this one. I think is it means that you have to forget what you learn in order to earn more  knowledge or to make  your own ideology. Also,  I had to define what the poem of symbols were meaning. I had a hard time on that since I don’t observe art and I just think objects are just the way they are. But those poem cards were hard to read.  This made me thing how small things and figure  can give a big message to people.   Then, Sarah and I had to give a presentation about anything. I heard Sarah story  first and then mind. After all that, we  drank coffee with other people. They had bread, cookies on the table and were happy to have us. I was happy to see and feel how wonderful people enjoy talking to Sarah and I . It felt like a piece of home a really good family who all it has its love to give.  After  I saw the trophies and the art a guy made.  Then Sarah played the piano aww such a great day but to bad it was time to go home.

March

Two  days before  making the Carnival Trip to Rio de Janeiro.  Most of the people reunite in a place to celebrate and to talk about the trip.  I felt somewhat lost but I understood more what they said.  Most of who were present came  after to  my apartment. I was fascinated to listen to their jokes , I do not know  any of jokes since I left Ecuador. Then they asked questions about me and  one of the girls said “ zoila  america.”   Later, I had fun time hearing their stories and their jokes. It felt like a family and all of them are in the same class and the same department. That’s what I like about the university, the students have to pass a test and they follow what they love and if they want to change their career they have to start all over. I love this system since it built one community in the same department.

FEb no more portuguese class

Sadly I do not have my Portuguese class anymore, so I just went on the streets to practice my Portuguese.   I went to the pharmacy, restaurant, a cosmetics store and to the  supermarket. I have more luck in the restaurant since the guy talk to me more and I tried to communicate better when I was ordering some food. Then he asked me where I am from and I answered, originally I am from Ecuador. In the restaurant , I was not able to say straw in Portuguese so I  point at the straw and said, “may I have a sorvete ( straw) in Spanish.” Then he said, “Sorvete!” and said this is called, "Canudo," (straw) in Portuguese. Sorvete is ice-cream in Portuguese. I was ooh yeah, I remember now. Then he asked me  how’s is Ecuador? What I study? Lastly, he asked me if the food from Ecuador is the same as the Brazilian food.  This question made me miss, the Ecuadorian chaulafan, the Ecuadorian churrasco and the guatita and my hot sauce valentina. L .  

Those were lots of question; I was able to answer little by little.  I was happy that I talked a little more and tried to use less Spanish on the things I say.  I wanted to find a strategy to learn Portuguese fast and my friend Carolina told me to watch a lot of TV in Portuguese and asked me to learn the same way I learned English.   Each day I am learning some Portuguese words that means different in Spanish. I think that after this five months I will get confuse when I talk start to speak in Spanish to some of my friends. 

FEB26

I was invited to the pre-carnival party that the engineer students made.  I went to eat with my roommate Maira  and her friends from the biology department.  In the restaurant I saw that if I got meat in my plate it will cost me more than normal, I thought this was interesting.  

After eating, I talked  to one of Maira’s friend Nubia. She told me how she was learning Spanish and thinks Spanish is a beautiful language.  Also, she wondered what do I think of Brazil?   I answered that Brazil has really caring people who is willing to take a lot of their time to help a person.   Moreover, she told me she is from Rio de Janeiro and never assisted to carnival in Rio de Janeiro.  But this time she will go with my roommate, me and other friends to Rio for the carnival. ( I am happy to see carnival rally and more.)  Once we arrived to the pre-carnival, I saw lots of people in groups talking to each other and others throwing  small papers  to people and drinking beer and others were dancing.   One of Maira’s friends, Mari was signing fast and later she sang slowly for me.  I  repeated what she sang and she was happy that I tried to singing  in Portuguese.  It was great, I was able to understand a little more Portuguese.  Later, more people were gathering in this park. Mari told me that the band will start playing and when there are more people, the people will go on the street stopping the traffic and then return to the park.   While I was waiting for that to happen I talked to my friend Sergio, he was my Portuguese tutor in Beloit College.  After that, I met more people and also I met Mari’s cousin.  Mari’s cousin  thought I was lost and that I did not understand a lot of Portuguese but then I reply to her in Portuguese saying  that I understood what she said, it just I do not know what she says when she talks fast. Later, I felt my head was spinning when I heard all the people who surround me talking in Portuguese. I was overworking my head I think.  I felt I was set aside for not being able to understand the slang Portuguese. I was so tired but I enjoyed the pre-carnival. Althought, all the people was nice I was just being a little down for not being able to express my own ideas and not have difficulty speaking.  I loved the pre-carnival party.  I sometimes do not know how to greet people, by giving them two kisses in the cheek or just tell them hi. But I knew in Brazil people greet by giving two kisses on  the cheek.  So I say goodbye to the person and she dropped her beer on the floor, I was embarrassed for that and left saying goodbye in a hurry.  What a day, it was wonderful.

FEB

In the next morning, I saw my neighbor again. I started talking to her in Portuguese and she said I am getting better.  She also told me that she will take me to her laboratory to show me what she does. I was happy about that but as I talked to her, I took the wrong bus.  I was scare when I saw the bus going to an unknown direction.  I wanted to get out but I told myself I will get off the bus when I see something familiar.  Then I saw the graffiti on wall and realize I am on a familiar place so I got off the bus. Sadly I had to walk more than I usually do in order arrive to class.  This experience made me realize how sometimes when I feel afraid of something I try to run away from any situation. When I run away from any situation I realize now that I am making the situation even worse. For example, If I would got out of bus  I think I would of have a hard time finding my way to class. This result would not been really pleasant.   Now I realize that when I panic in some situations, the first thing I have to do is  to evaluate the situation and then solve it.  I learned to know myself a little just by this small experience. I recognized that sometimes I just think I can go against my own comfort zone but I need to control my self-intuition.  Moreover, I arrived a little late to my Portuguese class.  From today class,  I wrote down some interesting questions from the  game card. The question that impact me more was,  “ Se pudesse voltar no passado para acertar as contas com uma pessoa?  Quem seria ela e qual seria o motivo da desavença?” If you could go back to the pass to do the right think for a person? Who will the person be?  and reason to change?”

I will return  to these questions to answer it later on my journey.  But what I answered in class was; I would like to make everyone equal. By this I mean, destroy the thoughts of hierarchy between race, class and religion.

Also I wanted to answer, I would go back to the pass and approach my friend more and be there for her most of the time. I could have tried to motivate her to succeed and to follow her dream but I fail. I fail because it’s hard for me to express what I felt because I felt my opinion was not worth it. Like I say, I would go back to this question later on.  Overall, I love my Portuguese class. The professor challenges me and the best of all is that  I like his technique of teaching. 

Feb21

                I was happy to start the week and to go to my Portuguese class. All the sudden, professor Ulises called me saying class is canceled.  I was not expecting that so I went to meet Srt. Josefa, the coordinator in  the CRI office.  I tried to talk to her in Portuguese but there were some things I just could not say so I started talking to her in English.  I just kept asking her about group projects and ways to get involve but I think I was so overload with questions. She  was patient with me, hopefully that office becomes my ally like the  McNair office. 

FEB18

Finally Friday,  I went to the supermarket with my roommate and I was somewhat surprised when my roommate used her credit card and she did not have to sign a receipt . Just small things surprised me and I do not know why.  Later, I went by myself to the supermarket and I saw the line of chocolate;  but there were no kit-kats  on the line. I was sad but then I found  the stand of bananas.  As I looked around, I saw different prices on the juices based on the liters or milliliters.  After the supermarket, I tried to order some food in the restaurant and this time it did not took me a while to order. Also,  I went to the park to think how I can learn Portuguese even better but sadly the weather was so good that I had to take some time  to relax.  

FEb17

Another crazy day I had, I woke early and left the house early thinking I was late for class. After class, I wonder around with Sarah.  We just enter to stores and check things out and found a cute shirt but I did not know what was the meaning of “ate”’ and “var.” I asked  the lady in the store and she tried to explain us, by saying, “ 10 pesas barato”and I was wow here they weight cloths or what she means by pesas, in Spanish pesas are weights. I was sort of confused and asked her to write to me what she meant. She wrote if you buy 10 pieces then you will get a discount for the first one. Sarah and I were wondering who would buy ten shirts. I think we misunderstood.  Next store was a shoe store and man those shoes were expensive, as again we try to understand what the 12x meant and that lady said that if you can’t pay for the price of the shoes then you pay monthly.  Then, in the next store I did not know what shoe size I was and  tried to tell the store lady that I just want to know what shoe size I am and that I don’t want to buy some yet. She said, you want to “experimentar,” meaning to experiment. I was yeah and she took me to the back side. The shoes size 36 did not fit me they were tight so the lady said, estan apestosos, and I was mad at her because I thought she said I have stinky feet. Then I realize she said that  the shoes are too tight and that she would bring another one.  Since then I stopped thinking that most of the words in Portuguese have different meaning from the words in Spanish.   In the stores, I felt weird that some ladies in charge of the store  follow us once we got  inside their store, I like personally to not be bother but here they follow  the person. I  tried  to see if most of the store do that so I went into a store for travelers. I was just looking and one lady asked me if I need anything and I said I am just looking. I move to the corner and she followed me then I move to the other corner and she was still following me and then I was scare and got out of there.

I was so exhausted and waited for the bus stop for 40 minutes. I was so inpatient and a lady approach me and said to be patient and then I told her that bus is not coming on time. Then She started talking to me wondering where I am from so I said Ecuador. Then she told me she was taking Spanish classes and wants to practice so she can visit other Latin American countries such as Ecuador, Chile etc.  She gave me her email address to stay in touch with her.  It’s interested for me to hear how some people love the language Spanish. I thought that most Brazilians do not like Spanish like one of my friend told me. She said that Spanish is not that popular and that most students speak in English not Spanish. I found this interesting.

FEB 16

Next day, I was ready to take the bus. Before I took the bus,  I started practicing my Portuguese with a women who actually is my neighbor, what a coincidence. I was talking to her all my way to where I had to stop. She invited me to talk to her later anytime If I wanted.  When I arrived to my Portuguese class, I was waiting for the door to be open to get in class but  I almost felt sleep on the floor. In class as always, I asked question and have some fun. On  break time, we went to a small store, but  I was kind a confuse why is it that in small stores the person has to eat first and then pay. If it was me, I would buy  the product and pay and then go and enjoy my food.  That was estranged to me. Then after class I went with a friend to the bus stop, we talk. It was estrange for me to be able to talk in the three languages at once: Spanish, English, and Portuguese. I felt so lost and thought my head was about to explode when I was not sure if I was speaking either in Portuguese or Spanish or English.  I was thinking  about my ex roommate  Jennifer and thought how does she manage to know eight languages. Also, I must say I was impress how I found my way to places by just talking to people with my broken Portuguese.  The funny part was when my friend Sarah and I tried to order food and asked for the menu. The answer was that they had no menu and that the menu was verbally, so I ask the waiter to write the menu. Then I asked if I could have some  frango com arroz ( chicken with rice). It took us some time to order things but we made it. Uff  Then we had to ask for direction so Sarah could go back to her house, they were so nice that they took their time to  read a map and to call the agency to find what buses she could take.  Finally we got the direction and I said goodbye to them  and I had to say bye to Sarah too.

My second time using the bus in Brazil

At the first  I predicted I will get lost but  luckily  my roommate came with me.  I was watching carefully the things I passed by to remember so I would not get lost on my way back. My roommate drew me a map which made my life easier to arrive to my Portuguese class.  I felt so tired that all I wanted was to do is to sleep.  But in my break I tried to buy coffee but got the wrong order, I do know what it  was call but It was good.  The drink gave me energy to talk in class and to participate.  When my class ended,I entered in different stores.   I had trouble saying “I am not going to buy anything, I am just looking,” so I left the store. Then I had to wait for the bus, and it did not show up until 4o minutes. I asked a lady if she was going to the university and she said yes.  I was so happy because I could follow her jaaa this was my strategy number one to get in the correct bus.  At first I did not want to ask for help, I  tried to wait a little bit longer but then I wanted to call my roommate to pick me up but  I did not. I asked for help with my broken Portuguese.  I talked with that lady and she told me that she is taking economics classes. She told me how Carnaval is so beautiful. Then she asked me if I was from South Korea or Japan mmm I was laughing at that. I was thinking mmm maybe I can pretend I am Korean since I love Korean songs. She started talking fast and I understood some of her words.  It’s hard understanding a language when a person talks really fast. I thought I will be able to understand Portuguese really easy but is hard understanding the different dialects some people have in Brazil.

In the night of this same day, I was invited to the Pronto Pizza as a welcoming party.   I was actually excited to meet other people and to eat a Brazilian pizza.  I greeted everyone and listened how everyone was introducing themselves.  In my mind, I was thinking that the pizza will come later but it never came.  I tried  to speak in Portuguese with someone in  the architecture  but he started talking to me in Spanish and saying that he is interested in going to Ecuador.  He mention how he wanted to see the Island Galapagos, so I started talking to him about Ecuador.  I had a fun time, and had some time to talk about economic development of Brazil and some development theories. After a bit, I was lost when some started to speak fast, I just felt left out but enjoy listening. I remember one phrase I was told by a student of law was, “Brazil is a country of happiness.” I won’t forget that for sure. 

FEb 15

I felt so tired but I told my roommate I will go with her to the biology Lab.   When I woke up my roommate had things ready to eat breakfast. I was mmmmm yay, then I saw the milk and I was o no milk.  But I tasted and It was delicious, wow.  I thought I was lactose intolerant since I hated milk but now I love it. Jaaa. I think I get happy for small things which I think are good. For me is  better to stay positive all the time in order to have more positive energy.  Moreover,  I went to the UFJF to the bio lab and I thought all those students  from the  lab were getting their BA.  But actually I was wrong, some of them said they have or are working on their MA, PHDs, BA’s etc. For me it was a pleasure to be with them.   Some of them spoke English so I started communicating with them more. Later, I went to see how my roommate’s friend defended her Masters. I tried so hard to understand what she said but it hard especially since it was base on science.  I saw some high tech knowledge in her presentation which I so want to learn.  This presentation was amazing and she show passion on her work. When I say passion it means that she shows how much she loved her research.

After her presentation,  I went to the lab.   I was getting a little nervous because if I did not understood a lot of what she said, then I asked myself,” How am I going to understand what the professor says in the lecture?”  I  try to calm myself down  and though more positively.  In general, those students in the bio lab were really nice and caring.    Moreover, my roommate Maira invited me to go with her to celebrate that her friend did well on her presentation and defending her project. Maira said that after defending the MA is a tradition to go and celebrate. Once we arrived to that place, I was told I will eat  churasco.  I imagine a plate full of rice, meat, avocado, French fries, and salad like the Ecuadorian churasco but it was a little different.   I felt strange when I had to greet people by kissing them on the cheek.     Then I sat down and ate some peanuts and some food that other people were serving.   The  students  in my table were talking and talking and I tried to understand but I had no idea what they said in Portuguese.  I thought I was watching TV in Portuguese.  I turned into an observer and tried hard to understand what they said.  Then someone came to me and told me that I had to drink 10 cups of beer and if I do not do it, it would be disrespectful to them.  I gave the look of mmmmmmmmmmm I want to get out of here now. But then my roommate clarify that the guy was kidding and to not pay attention to him. After all, this celebration was great, the people were incredibly nice and welcoming. I had a great time my second day in Brazil.  

BRAZIL I AM HERE FEB 14.

When I arrived to Brazil( the GIG airport), all the people from the airplane had to form two lines, so I follow the first one. When I showed my papers the officer said in Portuguese, you are not Brazilian mmm “vai a otra linea.”  I was uppsss I guess I was in the wrong line. At first, I was so embarrass but then  on the other line there were  only 4 foreign including myself. Anyways, people in the GIG airport were so nice.  One lady was speaking to me in Portuguese and I had no idea what she said to me, she spoke fast and all I could say was, ummmm and smile.  I was getting scare since my luggage did not arrive, it was the last one. LOL.  Finally, I got out of the luggage  area. But after, I had to encounter more communication problems.  I wanted to find my way to the Hotel Luxor so I could meet there with the other student from the program.  I tried to ask to some of the people in the airport, where I could  find the Hotel Luxor in the airport. They almost send me in a taxi. I was speaking in Spanish, saying, “no I don’t want a taxi, this place must be here so I can walk there.”  They said, “no caminando(walking) , TAXI, voce precisa ( you need it).”  Then I gave them my directions to where I had to go and finally a guy took me to the elevator and gave me instructions to get there. I was so tired that I forgot what he said. Once I arrived to the third floor, I asked for help again and found my way. But  I had to use another  elevator to go up one more floor. When the elevator open, I was surprised  to see a lady  sitting in chair in  the elevator and asked me what floor to go. I wondered why was the  lady  there? Is it even necessary? Once I arrive to the final floor,  I went to see where the Hotel is and sat there to wait, while I did that I was reading my handbook and later I went to sit in a more secure place, the food  area yay.  While I was sitting there waiting, I  read an old  note from my sister  (Laetitia Faure) in this note  she wished me the best of luck for the week and drew me an smiley face for Mondays. I laugh at loud that people who surrounded me might have thought I was crazy. After that, I was remembering how much I love Mondays and how much my sister hate Mondays. I started missing those times.  The time pass by really quick and  I was getting close to meet my other colleagues of this journey .  I went to the hotel and asked the receptionists, if I could sit on the couch to wait. She said, “sim” in Portuguese jaaa funny, I don’t remember how she understood me. But  I finally got to meet the students from my program and they guy who came to pick us up. His name is Edimilson.  He spoke Portuguese fast that   I hope I could understand him on the way to UFJF.  Once, I got on the shuttle, I tried to talk to the Edimilson but  I did not remember his name. Oh well, on our way, we made some stops.  Sarah another student, shared  her coco with me. The coco tasted weird to me and it did not have a similar taste like the Ecuadorian coco. Then we stopped to see the forest and I tried talking in Portuguese but I felt I needed more improvement.  On the shuttle, the guys, Sam and Brider talked in Portuguese to the driver and Edimilson  . Sarah and I understood a little but I felt asleep. When I woke up , there were still talking  in  Portuguese and   I tried to understand but then I was too tired and try to sleep again.  Then I was thinking of who I was going to live. At first I thought that my roommate would have a family living with her since I asked for a family to stay with. I was so anxious to meet her, and I was really happy to see where I will be staying in this Brazilian experience. On way to see meet my roommate, Edimilson,   told me that I will be the first one to see the UFJF and I was happy. I spoke a little Portuguese and said, “ the last person is the first one.” I said that since I was the last one in the shuttle to be drop off.  I was waiting and waiting to meet my roommate, well I saw her picture through facebook.  One I was dropped off. I said to my roommate, “I only speak some Portuguese and she said she spoke some English. I was cool this is the way to do it.  She said, ( feel like it’s your home ) in Portuguese. I was what? Omg omg she did not know how to translate.  I said , “you mean  sua casa mi casa.” (my home is your home).  She laughed and said yes.  Also, I saw that there was no family living with her but I was ok with it. Then, I felt that I was not in Brazil, yet. All seem strange. I am happy to be here though.  Although I forgot my camera, I regretted so much. If I was with my camera I would been taking picture of every single moment of my life.

On my way to Brazil, I was craving for some kofta, sushi, and my jalapenos pizza.  I was craving for the most important thing in my life chocolate. Oh I love Cholocolate .

  Once I checked in, in the MPLS airport,  I said this is not it because I will arrive at NJ and then I will have to stop at JFk international airport.   I was nervous because I was on my own. I took a taxi on my way to the JFK.  I saw the Washington Bridge and Manhattan as well.  To bad I did not have my camera with me or else I would of have taken pictures. O well, what I remember from that taxi ride was what my cap told me. He mentioned that in his tradition, everyone in the family has to sit on the table when is time to eat and that it does not matter if they are not hungry.  All the matter is that the family is together and show respect to the person who cook the food.   As I arrived in JFK I was surprised that there were not chairs to sit down like the MPLS-airport.  Luckily, I found a sit on the public phone; I had to wait there for at least 7 hours as far I remember. I felt so lonely so I had to bother my friends by texting them. All the sudden, a lady approached  me  by asking if I she could borrow the phone, she spoke to me in a different language  and point at my phone, so I figured she wanted my phone to call her family. While she was talking, I heard  her say,” spasiba (thank you) and paka ( bye).” So I figured she speaks Russian.  As a result, I spoke to her in few Russians words, like , “how are you doing ? and where are  going?”  that’s all  the Russian words I knew. Then, she started talking more than usual and I felt so lost. At that moment, I thought, this must be a sign. This sign is telling me that   I would feel the same way when I arrive at Brazil.  Although that lady and I spoke different languages, we were able to communicate with our hand movements. Ufff, it was tough. Moreover, I was checking in again this was it, I was finally going to brazil. When I check in, a Dominican lady saw that I was from Ecuador and introduce me to another Ecuadorian lady. LOl. I started talking about my travels, my interests, and how  long I had been in the U.S. Wow I took a while talking, but I love to hear and to be heard.  Yay, I was happy that I made it to the airplane since I had to wait a lot.   I was amazed that the airlines Tam  had an extraordinary service to bad I did not understand when they spoke in Portuguese to me or else I would asked for more food. 

Here I come Brazil

I love this quote of Erich Fromm and I will follow in my journey to Brazil.

“Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've lived before."

My goals in this journey are: earn more self-confidence and challenge myself for the best.

All I can say now is, here I come Brazil.
New culture, new language, new food mmmm, and more.